Something Beautiful

Picture of a storm over a sea from

I want to write something beautiful
Perhaps not in the traditional way
I want to write something I can say again and again
Words that resonate deeply
Rooting me down even when I feel pulled up from the ground

I want to write something truthful
Yet, it’s hard these days to be both beautiful and true
I’m charting my way through a sea of pain and shame
A sea no one ever goes to for vacationing or sight-seeing

It’s lonely
It’s really lonely sometimes
See pain can be sticky when there’s no accountability
Pain whirls its way into the storm of misplaced blame and shame

Yet this storm is silent
This is a storm no one else can see
It is invisible, yet will not pass by or just go away
You forget about the pain because you are so busy hiding the shame

And I know
This isn’t very beautiful
If wasn’t for the work of Brene Brown
I may not have even referred to such a term

I don’t even like the sound of it
Shame is messy
It’s hard to look at

Maybe you even stopped reading a while ago
I know
It’s not easy
It’s not a day at the beach.

Yet these days, it’s what I see
I’ve confronted the storm
It’s both frightening and freeing

See shame grows in the silences and the shadows
So this is why I am speaking,
This is why I’m writing
I know I am not alone

I write to find something beautiful in this messiness
I write because I believe in the resilience of my spirit
The resilience in our human spirit to rise above this – whatever “this” is for you
To remember the words of the powerful poem of Maya Angelou – still I rise

I don’t have the eyes to see that kind of poem today
I do have ears to hear it and a heart to walk through this

Still I walk
Still I speak
Still I write even amidst the fight

I am not silent
I will not turn a blind eye
I will extinguish the misplaced blame and shame

And perhaps
In all of this messiness
I will find glimpses of beauty in my day

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